On this longship your biggest challenge is tidying your stateroom so your steward can clean
Brutal as they were, the Vikings were clean, according to historians. Their habit of bathing once a week apparently made them highly attractive to the ladies. But other than that, there is no comparison between this Viking Longship and the originals sailed by the likes of Eric the Red.
Listen to birds chirping in the bathrooms. Order room service at 2 am. Chill out in the Snow Room after you emerge pink and steamy from the hot pool (huge) and hotter pool (intensely bubbly) in the Spa. This is as opposed to the two other hot tubs, one next to the infinity pool overlooking the ship’s stern and the other one amidships, on the pool deck, under a retractable glass roof and steps from the Pool Bar.
For once, our room is not festooned with drying laundry, since there is a free launderette on our floor.
While it might be easy to get used to this level of luxury, it can also be a little nerve-wracking. Uniformed waitstaff hover eagle-eyed for an opportunity to serve. They whip away your used dishes the second you put your fork down, and occasionally before. Marida requested fresh orange juice, which launched a mission that included regular updates from multiple parties until finally, an hour later, a glass of juice was delivered to our stateroom. There are some 500 crew members swaddling the 930 guests.
Speaking of guests, this cruise is highly recommended if you are feeling old. Many of the passengers are aged between 80 and 150, so by comparison you’ll feel positively youthful and sprightly.
And fat. If you weren’t when you boarded, you will be soon. This ship is waddling with food and drowning in drink. There are two reservation-only restaurants, a poolside café, multiple bars, and a tea room. If you want to rough it, the World Cafe serves proletarian eats like roast suckling pig, shoulder of lamb, sushi, and a plethora of chocolatey, fruity, mousse-y delicacies.
If you are a night owl you can watch an open-air movie at the pool or a live show at the Star Theatre. Then finish off with a nightcap in the lounge and dance to 70s hits performed by the Viking Band (crew members, repurposed from their other duties). Marida attended a concert by Harry the Piano, who turned out to be really fun, with a virtuosity and humor reminiscent of the timeless Victor Borge.
We are traveling with our friends Laurie and Maggie, and are enjoying getting to know their friends Cookie and Susan. We gather for bubbly at their snazzy wrap-around balcony in the stern when the ship leaves port, to watch the docker guys wrestle the big ropes off the bollards. There is also a guy tasked with adding or removing two-foot metal baffles to the ropes, presumably to block the rodent locals from illegally embarking. We always applaud “Rat Man” and you can imagine the song that accompanies this.
We flew into Bergen, Norway, to catch the cruise on May 23 – Terri’s birthday – to discover that Laurie and Maggie had decorated our door with balloons and streamers! Those chix totally rock.
